Life is nothing more than just a brittle, fragile glass that is waiting to break apart once we lost our control on it. Ambition is everyone mission in life. Something that we would like to become in the future. I got reasons why I’m eagerly wanted to pursue my childhood dream of becoming a doctor. I have lost so many things in life; something that I’d rather die to get them back to me. But yeah, sometimes we just have to accept the way life is meant to be. It doesn’t mean to give up on hope, but to accept reality and to give space for a whole new frontier in life. Since childhood, I hate to see people crying, being hurt or seeing people lose someone they love. I just can’t stand myself seeing people to be sad. Ironically, me myself is wrapped around the blanket of sadness in my whole life. I’ve lost my strength to move on since childhood; I’ve lost my sense of security long before I ever understand what life is, and I even lost my faith to believe what is best in me. No one knows how much it hurts me from the start, and how deep the scar as it wont heal. I create my own world, I choose my own path, I try to nurture my own feeling of happiness. I don’t want people to face what I’ve faced before, I just want to see smiles rather than tears. Life is not easy, but we can make it thru if we believe in who we are and work together, supporting each other, to bring our lives forward. Doctor gives a second chance. I do believe in a second chance. That’s why I would like to become a doctor; to give people any possible second chance. I know, I’ve been given a second chance by someone who believes in me, give me hope to continue to walk again, and never gave in. Thank you so much for those who believe in me.
Archive for June, 2010
There’s another word for life; Journey. Every single one of us born with a purpose to be fulfilled, none of us are destined to have a straight and easy path to get to the end cause everyone got detours and obstacles along the way. We choose to be who we are today, we are the one who creates the person that we call as “I”. Life isn’t that easy, to tell the truth; life is hard no matter how you put it. There’s a time when we feel, we are getting too much, and we feel everything is going out of control, out of our reach, and the only thing that we would like to do are sit and cry, with hope that everything is going to be just fine the next day. But the reality is cruel, nothing will change until you put your hands on it, make things to be better, instead of running away from it. We face different kind of things in life, some of us born with the silver spoon but never understand what is hardship, some are born with extraordinary talent but lack of money to bring the thing up, some are born with bright brain but having a turmoil in their families. We are just can’t get rid of problems cause that is life, the way it is meant to be. This is about a journey, a journey to learn who we are, what we are, why we are here, what is our purpose to live. We can’t just let things go with the flow, cause we are the flow, we are the direction that our lives need to be in. We have to direct ourselves, show us the way, tell what path that we are meant to walk in. We can’t give up on life, life is too precious to be wasted; it is more than anything else. Today you feel devastated and hurt, but believe me, sooner or later, the light will lit up your life and show you the right way. Don’t ever lose hope, nothing in this world happens without a reason; we just have to widely open our eyes to see the difference that it brings at the end of the day. We all are given a second chance, so prove to yourself and everybody else, hardships wont let you down. Remember this, one chapter ends, another chapter begins. Embrace the previous chapter, and appreciate the coming chapter; a whole new beginning of your life.
This is a true story in which few know about it. It’s a story that captures my heart – which makes me to believe, one day you just have to let go; something that you love and care the most, cause something in life is better to be left far aside from us, so that every single moment it reminds us to appreciate what we have. This is a story about a forbidden love, neither a fiction nor a fairytale, it is not written by any superb novelist nor created by a fantastic movie maker- it is a story that has been kept for so long, and today I would like to share it to the rest of the world. The main actress is my own beloved mom while the actor is Lim Boon King.
My mom is a Malay and obviously Boon King is a chinese. Everything was dated back around 34 years ago, when my mom was at form 6. There was a guy-a chinese guy, good-looking chinese guy perhaps; a very excellent student, and at that time, he was the teenage heart-throb among girls in the school. My mom was just a normal, decent village girl; nothing special perhaps. But, ironically, the chinese guy seemed to have some kind of special feeling to my mom. He followed her during recess time, accompanied her to home and watched my mom playing handball.
My mom knew there was something between both of them, more than just a friend. So, my mom put a gut to ask him “ Boon King, why you always follow me? Do you have something to tell me?” Confidently he replied “Yes, I have something to tell you. I fall in love with you“. My mom was in a total shock, since no one ever confessed to her this spontaneous. “Pardon? You fall in love with me? Boon King, I’m not a chinese girl and you know that, I’m Malay, no one will ever accept this. We are too different“. “I don’t need for other’s permission to fall in love with anyone that I want to, and I don’t care about who you are, whether you are poor or being a Malay, cause one thing for sure, I love you cause you have a very beautiful heart. I’ve stalked you, I asked all of your best friends about who you are, same things went out from their mouths “You are undeniably kind-hearted”. Hazlina, beauty doesn’t last, beautiful heart remains forever” Every night, he went to my mom small wooden house, just to tell he missed her. Until one day, my grandfather scolded him to leave my mom for good “Don’t ever come close to my daughter, you are not Muslim, you are chinese, and we hate chinese! Go away!“. That harsh words didn’t even break his heart.
After STPM, both, my mom and him, scored very good results, perhaps the best in the school. My mom got an offer to further her study in Bachelor of Economy at University of Birmingham in London, but she turned off the offer cause it was too much for her to handle since she came from a very poor family; I meant extremely poor. She applied for University of Malaya, and yeah, she got it. Lim Boon King on the other hand, got an offer to further into Bachelor of Electrical Engineering in University of Colorado, USA. Guess what, he turned off the offer. Why? Cause he wanted to be close with my mom, so he decided to further his study at UM.
Apparently, my mom was flattered with his move, willing to sacrifice his opportunity to study abroad so that he could be closer with my mom. They started to date, and there was a conversation that my mom finds so hard to forget even until now
“Boon King, do you really think that we can get any further in this relationship?“, my mom
“Do you mean, I’m being a non-Muslim?“, Boon Kin
“Sorry Boon King, I shouldn’t bring this thing up“, my mom
“Nevermind, it’s ok”, Boon Kin
“I love the name Farid, for me it sounds very nice“, my mom
“Really? so next time call me Farid“, Boon Kin
After few months of dating, one of her best friends told her “Hazlina, you should leave that guy. I don’t like him. Do you ever realize that you are dating a chinese guy? and even worse, he is not a Muslim. You have to leave him, before you give more hopes for him“. Later, my grandmother warned my mom saying ” Leave him, if not, I won’t accept you as my daughter“. She had been pushed from every angles, forcing her to accept the fact that they are not meant for each other. She didn’t want to leave him, he was too precious, too kind, too understanding and most importantly, he loved her the way she is, not for her look, not for her achievements, but for her heart.
It was a very tough decision to be made, she unavoidably had to let him go. She told this to the chinese guy
“Today will be our last time seeing each other. I love you, I appreciate you more than you could possibly understand, if it is not because of this forbidden path that we took, if it is not because of the unwillingness of our parents to accept this love, I will always be with you“.
After the break up, the guy failed his first year in degree. He didn’t even come to class. He was too devastated. He sent a letter to my mom, and one of the things that he said
I will always love you. You are my first and my last love. You seemed to be too amazing and beautiful in every aspects. You are the only one that I love, and forever I will never forget about you. If there is a man in your life, who will marry you, I need to tell him-never let you down, never break your heart, cause you are too beautiful to be hurt.
My mom replied the letter by saying
I love you, and I know, even after this, I will be arranged to marry a Malay guy, he will never be able to replace you. I want you to move on, I want you to be succesful like you used to be, I want you to be happy. Don’t worry Boon King, even we are far apart, you still have my love until I die. Remember this, True Love Doesn’t Mean You Have to Possess.
He continued his study, and he performed very well in the next few years in degree. My mom achieved first class degree like he did. A year after that, my mom was officially engaged. Few months before her wedding, she got a call from her aunt “ Hazlina, Boon King wanted to attend your wedding“. She was so sad, so devastated knowing how much the guy loved her. He attended the wedding, he sit so far behind, and looked at my mom from the horizon-showing a thumbs up. Few minutes after that, he left the wedding leaving a short massage to her aunt-Hazlina is beautiful today.
Mom lost her contact with him. Until, 28th of December 1991 (this is an exact date), after giving birth to my younger brother, she got a call.
“Assalamulaikum, is Hazlina Binti Jahidin is on the line?”
“Waalaikumussalam, yes, Hazlina’s speaking”
“This is me Farid Bin Abdullah. Do you still remember me?”
“Sorry, I don’t recognise, may I know who you are?”
“Or, maybe you are more familiar with this name, Lim Boon King?”
My mom broke into tears, she couldn’t hold herself from crying. The guy already converted into Islam and named himself after the name that my mom loves the most; Farid. He even named his first daughter with my mom’s name, Hazlina Binti Farid. He is now living in Sabah, CEO of a very successful company, he got five kids, 2 daughters and 3 sons.
This is my most special story ever been told to me and for that, I won’t forget about it. Up until now, my dad never know about this, and my mom only told this to me and my siblings. Woman’s heart is an ocean of secrecy, yeah I couldn’t agree more.
True love doesn’t mean you have to possess.
You have a very strong heart, mother.
Every single soul that dwells this world has the same reason for being alive; to love and being loved. Perhaps, that is the reason why we spend most of our lifetimes searching for the true love that we hope for. We step forward with the hope to find the love is up ahead, and we tend to forget the one who pushes us ahead, the one who accompanies us along the way, and the one who supports us to make it through untill the very end. We are just being too blind to see that God already sent us the true love that we are searching for, where? The hands of a person that hold you now and then. God spreads His never-ending love across human beings, and we as His servant, we just have to open our eyes widely to see who keeps that love for us. Love in friendship, love in relationship and love in family. Apparently, the true love that we are dying to search for is just next to us. Once we’ve found the one who holds the true love that we are searching for, never ever let them go.
If only we know
The flare burns between our hearts
How much it burns us from within
How much it hurts us in tremendous ways
How much it warms us together
If only we know
The zephyr that sweeps our hearts
How much the healing it brought to us
How much the calmness emits from inside
How much hormany synchronised in our rhythm
If only we know
The secrets that we kept deep in the core of our hearts
How much it kills us, putting our soul screaming in agony
It is only a part of our story
That drives us away in distance but never be far in heart
How much it burns, sweeps and kills me away from my life
My love to you will never be drifted away
As my love to you is remain for eternity
If only you know….
I love you
Mother, she is my memories my heart my soul
Do you still remember those days,moments ago?
The time when we spent endless times together
Mother, do you feel the way I feel?
How much happiness you’ve given me
Anywhere my step goes
I always be under your loving silhouette
No matter how far my dream takes me
This heart will always be yours
This woman gives me the unconditional love
Everytime, everywhere any place, without doubt or hesitation
This son, will always put you in his heart
Deep down inside his heart
He will always love you
Only you remain immortal in him
Because of your love
You inspire him to be a better man
Because of your love
He continues this harsh life without giving up
Because of your love
His heart beats until now
Because of your love
He will fulfill your dreams
Because your love is his life, soul and breath..
You are the only love he got
What is actually
Secret that remains in your heart
The meaning behind those invisible tears
Spell it out to me
Cause I cant define myself
Those secrets you kept inside for so long
I can only assume
But I can never feel it
The true emotion that you keep inside
Sacrifices you have made
In nurturing me
Sacrifices you have made
To see me growing up to be a wise man
Only can be bear by the heart of a mother
I put a trust in myself
That this love remains immortal
That this bond will never break
You have faced thorns and tortures
And walk through
Barriers and storms in life
And doing it alone
Until the end of your life
You give me hope
To be as strong as you are
Never lose hope, never lose faith
Cause someday, this cruelty will eventually end
Cause I know, nothing shatters your heart